Once Again, the Teen Choice Awards winners scare the hell out of me as a film fan…

Miley Cyrus hosted the 10th annual Teen Choice awards last night, and as usual, the annual awards show, voted on entirely by kids 13-17, didn’t fail to surprise.

Teens voted Ellen Page and Drake Bell their "breakout movie stars" of the year, Page for her Oscar-nominated performance in Juno, and Bell for his largely-forgotten comic spoof Superhero Movie; he was the ONLY thing about that movie that got decent notices from critics far and wide, for his said-to-be-hilarious portrayal of the young superhero "The Dragonfly". It’s nice to see him get some praise here – i’ve always thought Bell was highly underrated as a performer, and deserves a few more shots to make it with general audiences rather than the teen crowd that watches his inane Nickelodeon sitcom "Drake And Josh". And I CAN’T BELIEVE he bested both Michael Cera (Juno) and Jim Sturgess (21, Across The Universe) in this catagory.

Page also took home Best Actress, Comedy for Juno; Best Actor, Comedy went to Ashton Kutcher for What Happened In Vegas (!). Best Actress Drama went to Kiera Knightly for Atonement (OK, COME ON NOW…how many teenagers actually SAW this movie? 26 or so?), and Best Actor Drama went to Channing Tatum for Stop-Loss (over Emile Hirsch for Into The Wild, among other more worthy nominees). Best Actor Horror/Thriller went to Will Smith for I Am Legend, and Best Actress Horror/thriller to Jessica Alba for The Eye. And although Rachel Bilson won Best Actress Action Adventure for Jumper, the winner of the Best Actor Action Adventure was apparently NOT included or announced last night, since NONE of the winners lists I can find have listed the winner of this catagory. The nominated actors in this catagory were Emile Hirsch for Speed Racer, Harrison Ford for Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, Jackie Chan for The Forbidden Kingdom, Robert Downey Jr. for Iron Man, and Shia LeBeouf for Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, so perhaps the teens that voted on most of the other awards had burnout, because for once all five nominees are worthy of SOMETHING…heh heh heh…

For films, the teens choice for best drama was Step Up 2 The Streets, which bested 21, August Rush, Into The Wild, and Stop Loss, which is obviously WHY teenagers do NOT choose any other major awards…heh heh heh. And then further proving that theory, they chose The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian as Best Action Adventure over Indiana Jones, Iron Man, Speed Racer, and The Forbidden Kingdom, all of which were BETTER movies. I guess it’s a good thing i’m not a teenager anymore…i’d be sorely disappointed, even EMBARRASSED by some of the choices on this show…STEP UP 2 THE STREETS? Yikes…

27 Dresses was voted Best Chick Flick and What Happens In Vegas Best Bromantic Comedy (not sure exactly WHAT that means).

Juno took best Comedy (FINALLY some sense in these kids today…heh heh heh…), I Am Legend Best Horror/Thriller, Hancock took Best Summer Adventure, and Get Smart Best Summer Comedy.

The evening’s big multiple winner was, not surprisingly, The Jonas Brothers, who cashed in with SIX awards: Breakout Group, Male Red Carpet Fashion Icon (and I thought some of our Poppies and Rosies awards were weird!), Choice Male Hottie (no stunner there, these three brothers with heartthrob looks that they have), Best Summer song for "Burnin’ Up" and Best Single AND Best Love Song for "When I Look Into Your Eyes". Whether the brothers Jonas can maintain their current pace – teenybopper appeal or not, they’re three extraordinarily talent dudes – will depend on whether their teenybopper fans will be willing to follow them into adulthood, as have the loyal fans who continue to keep the now-adult (and critically acclaimed) careers of  Hanson and Backstreet Boys going, but who largely abandoned eveyrone from N-Sync except Justin Timberlake when that boyband called it quits in 2002. And even BSB fans aren’t perfect – solo albums from Nick Carter and Brian Littrell during the boys’ downtime bombed. Ironically, the only award they lost last night was for Most Fanatic Fans, where they were upset by 2008 American Idol runner-up David Archuletta.

On the TV side, Gossip Girl was the big winner, winning Best Drama Series, Best TV Drama Actress AND TV Breakout Female for series star Blake Lively, and TV Breakout Male for co-star Chace Crawford. The god-awful MTV Reality soap The Hills (why why WHY do people LIKE this piece of mindless crap?) also captured several awards, as did American Idol and the you-can’t-escape-from-it-no-matter-how-hard-you-try smash Hannah Montana.

And while his series Life Of Ryan bombed out in the Best Celebrity Reality Series catagory, losing to the aforementioned The Hills, skateboard heartthrob Ryan Sheckler managed to wrest Best Action Sports star away from fellow skateboarder and Olympic snowboarding gold medalist Shaun White, as well as Ryan Niquist, Kelly Slater and Nick Fanning, and also took the award for best Celebrity MYSpace site.

I guess maybe I’m getting too old…is that why the older generation is always going, "Tsk, Tsk, these kids today!"? But I LIKE Ryan Sheckler….and the Jonas Brothers…and even Miley Cyrus….but somebody better give these young whippersnappers some lessons in what makes a good movie…because if they’re picking crap like they picked this year (for the most part) the next 20 years of movies are going to go straight into the toilet….

Oh Well…

THE COMPLETE WINNERS LIST:(and if anyone DOES find out who won Best Actor Action/Adventure, drop us a line so we can post it here!)

• Choice Movie Action Adventure: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.

• Choice Movie Drama: Step Up 2: The Streets.

• Choice Movie Chick Flick: 27 Dresses.

• Choice Movie Bromantic Comedy: What Happens in Vegas.

• Choice Movie Comedy: Juno.

• Choice Movie Horror/Thriller: I Am Legend.

• Choice Summer Movie Action Adventure: Hancock.

• Choice Summer Movie Comedy: Get Smart.

• Choice Movie Actor Drama: Channing Tatum, Stop-Loss.

• Choice Movie Actress Drama: Keira Knightley, Atonement.

• Choice Movie Actress Action Adventure: Rachel Bilson, Jumper.

• Choice Movie Actor Comedy: Ashton Kutcher, What Happens in Vegas.

• Choice Movie Actress Comedy: Ellen Page, Juno.

• Choice Movie Actor Horror/Thriller: Will Smith, I Am Legend.

• Choice Movie Actress Horror/Thriller: Jessica Alba, The Eye.

• Choice Movie Villain: Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd.

• Choice Movie Breakout Female: Ellen Page, Juno.

• Choice Movie Breakout Male: Drake Bell, Superhero Movie.

• Choice TV Show Drama: Gossip Girl.

• Choice TV Show Action Adventure: Heroes.

• Choice TV Show Comedy: Hannah Montana.

• Choice TV Reality Dance: America’s Best Dance Crew.

• Choice TV Reality Music Competition: American Idol.

• Choice TV Celebrity Reality: The Hills.

• Choice Summer TV Show: The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

• Choice TV Actor Drama: Chad Michael Murray, One Tree Hill.

• Choice TV Actress Drama: Blake Lively, Gossip Girl.

• Choice TV Actress Action Adventure: Hayden Panettiere, Heroes.

• Choice TV Actor Comedy: Steve Carrell, The Office.

• Choice TV Actress Comedy: Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana.

• Choice TV Breakout Show: Gossip Girl.

• Choice TV Breakout Star Female: Blake Lively, Gossip Girl.

• Choice TV Breakout Star Male: Chace Crawford, Gossip Girl.

• Choice TV Male Reality/Variety Star: David Cook, American Idol.

• Choice TV Female Reality/Variety Star: Lauren Conrad, The Hills.

• Choice TV Villain: Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl

• Choice Music Single: Jonas Brothers, When You Look Me in the Eyes.

• Choice Hook-Up: Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, No Air.

• Choice Music Male Artist: Chris Brown.

• Choice Music Female Artist: Miley Cyrus.

• Choice Music R&B Artist: Chris Brown.

• Choice Breakout Group: Jonas Brothers.

• Choice Music Love Song: Jonas Brothers, When You Look Me in the Eyes.

• Choice Music R&B Track: Chris Brown, Forever.

• Choice Music Rap/Hip-Hop Track: Lil Mama featuring T-Pain and Chris Brown, Shawty Get Loose.

• Choice Summer Song: Jonas Brothers, Burnin’ Up.

• Choice Male Hottie: Jonas Brothers.

• Choice Female Hottie: Vanessa Hudgens.

• Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon Female: Carrie Underwood.

• Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon Male: Jonas Brothers.

• Choice Comedian: Adam Sandler.

• Choice Male Athlete: David Beckham.

• Choice Female Athlete: Shawn Johnson.

• Choice Action Sports Male: Ryan Sheckler.

• Do Something Award: Chad Bullock.

• Choice Most Fanatic Fans: David Archuleta.

• Choice MySpacer: Ryan Sheckler